Outbreak Journal, March 25th

When I imagined living through a pandemic, I did not imagine painting my nails to remind me not to touch my face, using all the good face creams because now I’m *definitely* not going to be out in the sun after putting them on, or putting on perfume so I’ll notice if I lost my sense of smell.

My kids are going to remember us stress cooking through the French Chef (not *quite* literally, but I made stuffed eggplant last night, which is not a typical Tuesday night supper), candlelit dinners, and being allowed a little bit of wine because “what if?,” their father home for every meal, and extended bedtime stories.

The things that send shivers through my soul are not the big tragedies unfolding but the one key on the piano sticking and thinking forward to a time when I may not be able to play the piano to unwind, delays on a shipment of yarn and wondering what will happen if I can’t get any once my stash is used up, being down to my last potato with no delivery windows available and the kids singing “Potatoes & Molasses” in the next room. I look at my husband and my sons and think “most of the fatalities are men.”

I have friends in the hospital now, on the working end and the sick end.

As always, we have kept busy. I have been calmer, outwardly, then I usually am. I do not snap at the kids as much when they won’t let me complete a thought, I don’t tell them I’m busy even when I am, I answer their questions until they are satisfied or figure that they aren’t actually looking for answers so I hug them. I’ve stayed the course, maintaining routines so that the rising and falling of their moods can play out on a familiar background like variations on a theme. I have not lied or held back any realities from them and they have risen to my expectations.

There’s minutia I could report, but the only things that seem especially noteworthy are that I have secured the means to an almost normal Easter for us, have video chatted with friends and family frequently, have pursued adopting some cats since we lost Tober and am hopeful we can keep to our time table for that.

The only signs that I’m not at 100% are that I have trouble sleeping and reading for pleasure now.

Leave a Reply